29 Replies to “Secrets of the Closer”

  1. POPPY, I’M SCARED!!!

    the budget poppy, the budget…our empire is crumbling poppy, like the roman empire, ghosts in the whitehouse scarin’ me Poppy

  2. The details of my presidency are quite inconsequential… very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving Lord Martial Law from Yale with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a daughter of Aleister Crowley with webbed feet. My father would pedo abuse us, he would snort cocaine. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the internet. Sometimes he would accuse Afro-Americans of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in the tomb, baseball lessons. In the spring we’d make football helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a coffin and beaten with reeds- pretty standard, really. At the age of 13, I received my first masonic degree. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Ayatollah Khomeini ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking- I suggest you try it.

  3. My father was a relentlessly self-destructive Guy Lafleur wannabee from Quebec with low-grade senility and also a penchant for buggery.

    ah, world president bush, we have much in common

  4. My father would dig for gold on the cold Russian Steppe….He took me into the royal arch degrees and the KGB

    When i was insolent he would threaten to put me in the Mir space station and let it burn up upon reentry into the atmosphere…i am very pleased the billionaire class will be going into space

    VIRGIN mary messiah Richard Branson will conquer the universe with his Virgin products like Virgin radio everyone enjoys in the free world

    tovarische i am about to go wrestle kodiak bears with my friend zangief

    Dasvidaniya

  5. We don’t enjoy VIRGIN radio…Y isn’t he in space instead of “Near” SPace?

    Virgin radio is a new form of NATO torture

    who wants to die a virgin this close to a nuclear armageddon?

  6. Psalms 150:1 Hallelujah! Praise God in his holy sanctuary; give praise in the mighty dome of heaven.

    the bible doesn’t lie BRANSON….we are in a fishbowl with a dome….why would my dad waste so many nukes to open up the dome? we gotta get beyond thunderdome and the grip of Xenu’s united galaxy

  7. General Tomislav “FISH” Cruise is based and red pilled:

    watch this 1973 movie to understand the alien higher power:

    Psalm 73:9 They set their mouths against the heavens,
    their tongues roam the earth.

  8. The Nephilim are mysterious beings or people in the Hebrew Bible that are large and strong; the word Nephilim is loosely translated as giants in some Bibles …

    I always regret not playing Robotech with you small fry, i left the neighborhood right when the series came out in 1985….

    let us listen to the wisdom of BONO

    If God Will Send His Angels
    U2

    Does love light up your Christmas tree?
    The next minute you’re blowing a fuse
    And the cartoon network turns into the news

    If God will send his angels
    And if God will send a sign
    Well if God will send his angels
    Where do we go?
    Where do we go?
    Jesus never let me down
    You know Jesus used to show me the score
    Then they put Jesus in show business
    Now it’s hard to get in the door

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